I hold her hand tight and look at her fingers through watery eyes.
My baby feels warm and her body shakes hard.
How can I fight this confusion inside.
Should I call for help or close the door and cry.
My baby feels warm and her body shakes hard.
I want her to shrink and fit in my insides, so I can protect her from those covered up men.
They come and they take, protecting us they say.
But not … read the rest...
One year ago today, I was climbing to bed feeling your kicks and shifts. In between dreams and pee breaks, I would look at your changing table, that lay right across from the bathroom, wondering what your face looked like and wishing to meet you before my birthday in 5 days.
At around 2:00am I felt my stomach contract and I knew you were coming. We called our midwife to let her know that the contractions had started and she … read the rest...0
For the past three days I have held a steady fever of 99 – 100 F, which this afternoon started to fade. Not feeling too awful, yet not quite alive either, I run up and down to our daughter’s desire. I can feel a small bump in my left breast, which hurts and stinging burning sensation when milk rushes through. Thanks to Google I know that what I have is called mastitis and that with some heat, massaging and pumping … read the rest...0
Yesterday was a celebration day at our house. Mila turned 4 months old and the pups 2 years old! It is hard to believe time has gone by so fast! For the pups bday we got them big bean bags to replace their old beds. When they were young they used to share a bean bag chair as their bed at my dad’s place. Now they can each barely fit on their own. We also went for a long walk … read the rest...0
It’s 11:30pm and I should really be using this time to rest my eyes, for Mila seems to be teething and sleeping the following 6 hours in one go is a challenge. If it is not a tooth, it is the colder weather that has my little girl wanting to eat every hour – or it might be thirst from the heat that now circulate our home. Jax and I just stepped out of our hot tub, a ritual we … read the rest...0
Okay… so Plan A (a year or so ago) was to work way too much, buy a sailboat and start our circumnavigation. Then, we found out we were pregnant and Plan A changed. Our priority became finding somewhere warm and by the water where we could have our baby girl naked and cozy for her first few months of life and then look for a boat. A month or so ago, we found that boat – our dream boat which … read the rest...0
A couple of days ago I received an email about my birthing experience, the author (whose name I’ve been asked to keep confidential) told me about her birthing story. 10 hours into labor, contractions started getting closer together and she could no longer endure the pain, afraid that pushing was going to hurt even more, she had an epidural. She is now pregnant again and scared that she will make the same decision – so her question was: How did … read the rest...0
In the last post, it seems like I have come out as a little bit stressed about motherhood. And after a few concerned comments from loved ones, I thought I should write some words reassuring people I am not stressed or sad about being a mom. If that has come across in my writing, it is only due to an inefficiency on my part at finding the right tone and words to express myself. Throughout the day, before I write … read the rest...0
I am most definitely a mom. There was only one limb in my body that was not being used to comfort one of my family members an hour ago. My right hand was holding a tiny sleeping fist, my left hand was applying pressure to a curly blonde head trying to relief a headache that arose from listening to a baby cry for an hour and lack of water. My left foot caressed Yaku who desperately sought attention from any … read the rest...0
It’s hard to know where to begin this post. I’ve started it about fourteen times in my head. Yet, unable to sit down and write, the words just keep piling up in whichever part of my brain is left unhacked by motherhood. I can talk about how Mila got pink eye and I felt like a terrible mother and proceeded to spend the whole day cleaning her eye with milk and chamomile tea (which worked great).
[Mila just woke up … read the rest...0
I’ve maybe started writing this post four times! Every attempt started around 4:00am and was abandoned to cuddle with a tiny being that snores next to me. Now, she sleeps next to my “office” space. Yesterday, was her 1 month birthday and to celebrate it she slept, ate, pooped and slept some more. It would be redundant to say that she has forever changed our life and that no doubt this has been the most meaningful month we have ever … read the rest...0
Disbelief is the first and foremost feeling that has occupied my mind the last few days. I look at Mila, then at Jaxon, then at Mila, then at myself. I simply cannot believe that he and I made this human being, which spent 40 weeks growing inside me, exited through… (okay, enough of that) and now, in her perfect composition, is here. Day 2 of Mila’s life, I spent it crying, I was being hit with a feeling that psychologists … read the rest...0
As you may have noticed, the last few weeks I have not been posting much… This is because I think I am done with Mangolandia… At least for now. Mila will be born and I might get a sudden urge to write and post again, but for now I say goodbye. Mangolandia has given us so much, not only were we able to share our sailing adventure down the rivers of The United States and our year living in Ecuador, … read the rest...0
It is hard to explain everything that is going through our minds at the moment. Our business is headed towards stability – yet it is not quite there, we are about to move to a new town that we have never been to, with our two dogs, we need to find a home and furnish it and prepare ourselves for the birth of our first child, Mila. Although each of these things carry their own emotional weight, the addition of … read the rest...0
Yesterday’s night, Jax and I decided to go for a late night walk. A full moon was shinning, our stomachs were full with soup and a Mila and the dogs were anxious to explore the night. As soon as we stepped out of La Casita, it dawned on us that this particular late night walk might be one of our last living here. Instead of being overwhelmed with mixed emotions, we ended up remembering and reliving parts of our trip … read the rest...0