Sometimes I wish I could wrap my hands around some sort of life line and keep time still for just a bit. Just hold on tight to these moments of so much perfection.
Ella I could hold you forever. The roundness of your head, the uniqueness of your laughter and your big brown eyes are my devotion. It is hard to describe how much love can fit in my heart. I feel full, yet everyday it gets tighter. Your tiny … read the rest...0
Today I need to think, hence I need to write, since this is how I unfold my thoughts. As my mind holds origamis of repressed thinking, my body is in auto pilot. These days I only have time for one type of thinking, the one that allows me to give unconditional love to my daughters, that helps me breath when the minutes are rough, that complies with my business’s to-do list, hugs and loves my husband, cleans the house, cooks, … read the rest...0
It was a Friday morning at 7am when I laid in our living room’s couch to see you for the very first time. The ultrasound technician, Tom, plugged in his $60,000 device and set it on a chair. Your sister Mila was wearing her pijamas running around the room offering Tom “tea”. Dad had the camera in his hand and we nervously looked at each other, knowing that in a few minutes our life would once again change completely depending … read the rest...0
As we prepare to present our startup idea and prototype to merchants, investors and mentors, I have felt the need to fight some of my most deeply kept insecurities. Qualities that define me in other aspects of my life, but that brought into a business setting make me a little hesitant to go out and talk to all the people that we need to mingle with in order to make Keyo work.
At heart I am a writer … read the rest...0
After one year, 6 months and 11 days I still cannot fathom what made Mila. I understand the biology behind her, but her spirit, her laughter and her toes mesmerize me. About a year ago we were visiting my family in Ecuador and I asked Mila a question I often ask her, “who made you so awesome?” My sister, who was was sitting next to me, gave me a look and then proceeded to say “what, do you want her … read the rest...1
I hold her hand tight and look at her fingers through watery eyes.
My baby feels warm and her body shakes hard.
How can I fight this confusion inside.
Should I call for help or close the door and cry.
My baby feels warm and her body shakes hard.
I want her to shrink and fit in my insides, so I can protect her from those covered up men.
They come and they take, protecting us they say.
But not … read the rest...
One year ago today, I was climbing to bed feeling your kicks and shifts. In between dreams and pee breaks, I would look at your changing table, that lay right across from the bathroom, wondering what your face looked like and wishing to meet you before my birthday in 5 days.
At around 2:00am I felt my stomach contract and I knew you were coming. We called our midwife to let her know that the contractions had started and she … read the rest...0
For the past three days I have held a steady fever of 99 – 100 F, which this afternoon started to fade. Not feeling too awful, yet not quite alive either, I run up and down to our daughter’s desire. I can feel a small bump in my left breast, which hurts and stinging burning sensation when milk rushes through. Thanks to Google I know that what I have is called mastitis and that with some heat, massaging and pumping … read the rest...0
Yesterday was a celebration day at our house. Mila turned 4 months old and the pups 2 years old! It is hard to believe time has gone by so fast! For the pups bday we got them big bean bags to replace their old beds. When they were young they used to share a bean bag chair as their bed at my dad’s place. Now they can each barely fit on their own. We also went for a long walk … read the rest...0
It’s 11:30pm and I should really be using this time to rest my eyes, for Mila seems to be teething and sleeping the following 6 hours in one go is a challenge. If it is not a tooth, it is the colder weather that has my little girl wanting to eat every hour – or it might be thirst from the heat that now circulate our home. Jax and I just stepped out of our hot tub, a ritual we … read the rest...0
Okay… so Plan A (a year or so ago) was to work way too much, buy a sailboat and start our circumnavigation. Then, we found out we were pregnant and Plan A changed. Our priority became finding somewhere warm and by the water where we could have our baby girl naked and cozy for her first few months of life and then look for a boat. A month or so ago, we found that boat – our dream boat which … read the rest...0
A couple of days ago I received an email about my birthing experience, the author (whose name I’ve been asked to keep confidential) told me about her birthing story. 10 hours into labor, contractions started getting closer together and she could no longer endure the pain, afraid that pushing was going to hurt even more, she had an epidural. She is now pregnant again and scared that she will make the same decision – so her question was: How did … read the rest...0
In the last post, it seems like I have come out as a little bit stressed about motherhood. And after a few concerned comments from loved ones, I thought I should write some words reassuring people I am not stressed or sad about being a mom. If that has come across in my writing, it is only due to an inefficiency on my part at finding the right tone and words to express myself. Throughout the day, before I write … read the rest...0
I am most definitely a mom. There was only one limb in my body that was not being used to comfort one of my family members an hour ago. My right hand was holding a tiny sleeping fist, my left hand was applying pressure to a curly blonde head trying to relief a headache that arose from listening to a baby cry for an hour and lack of water. My left foot caressed Yaku who desperately sought attention from any … read the rest...0
It’s hard to know where to begin this post. I’ve started it about fourteen times in my head. Yet, unable to sit down and write, the words just keep piling up in whichever part of my brain is left unhacked by motherhood. I can talk about how Mila got pink eye and I felt like a terrible mother and proceeded to spend the whole day cleaning her eye with milk and chamomile tea (which worked great).
[Mila just woke up … read the rest...0