In autopilot for now…
Today I need to think, hence I need to write, since this is how I unfold my thoughts. As my mind holds origamis of repressed thinking, my body is in auto pilot. These days I only have time for one type of thinking, the one that allows me to give unconditional love to my daughters, that helps me breath when the minutes are rough, that complies with my business’s to-do list, hugs and loves my husband, cleans the house, cooks, holds conversations and pets our pups. I can do this type of thinking well, it is what my routine requires and I get it done. But what I haven’t done lately is challenge my brain.
Questions such as these make me ponder:
Is it ok that I am sitting typing away when I know that children are being sold into modern day slavery?
Should I be doing more for all the young girls that get pregnant before they are ready?
How am I going to have a positive impact in this world?
Am I being truthful to myself?
Am I raising my daughters to be thoughtful of their privilege in this world and to do something about it?
How can I be more efficient at what I do in order to get there quicker?
Am I enjoying the present enough?
Am I being as good of a human as I can possibly be?
When Jax and I met, worlds collided. My desire to help people and his passion for technology. Since that day we have been building our life together trying to stay true to those desires that brought us together. After plus 8 years we are working on our biggest projects yet, raising our daughters and on our second technology company. Time is the most expensive asset in our household right now, since we barely have any. Our “auto pilot” day starts at around 5:30 and ends at around 9:30 after the house has been cleaned, both girls are tucked in and dreaming away and we have worked for an hour. The time between 9:30 and 11:00pm is our time, but often exhausted we sit watch a movie or show that makes us laugh, drink wine and share any thoughts. So there is very little time for harder questions. Questions I need to keep in mind so that I do not get lost in the process.
As busy as our life is, I can truly say I am enjoying it. I love what the girls have brought into our life. Mila is so sweet and interactive. Things she says:
- When Jax and I have any sort of disagreement: “Hey guys, ok what’s going on” While holding her arms apart as if to separate fighting futbol players.
- “Time for little hugs” when she wants us to lay down next to her in bed, she lays her face so close to ours noses touch, and falls asleep.
- “I need a dress, I need to be a princess now”
- Jax broke a branch from our banana tree and he said “oh no, I broke it”, Mila walked up to the tree and says “Don’t worry, you’re okay tree, we’ll fix you.”
- “Estoy chisisiqui” – Deriving from chirisiqui, Quetchua word for being naked.
- My mom asked her if I was the best mom in the world, Mila looks at her and says “No, she is not! She is a princess like Cindewawa”
- One morning Mila looks at me and says “Mami, in my dreams I have big chichis too!” (chichis are boobs)
Mila adores Ella and they spend almost all of their time together. Mila now asks me to leave Ella while she is playing by herself, I’ll ask her if she’ll take care of her, she says yes and does exactly that. I often come back and Ella has one of Mila’s doll’s bottles in her mouth, Mila looks at me and says “Ella was hungry, now she is eating”.
Ella is a bliss in our life, she is currently getting everything she can into her mouth, she rocks tummy time and falls asleep by herself like a champ! Her laughter is unbelievably corky and cute and although she is not the chuncker her sister was, her thighs are the best!
Our startup is going so well, we are working towards our pilot launch for February and if we are successful at getting the traction we need, this will be a rocket! Jax and I have the pleasure to work with our cofounder Delna everyday, plus two pretty cool programmers. Life in our little office is pretty awesome.
So life is good… soon our daughters will be a bit older and we will have more time to think, but for now auto-piloting does the job.
The crib you see in this picture was 100% made by Mark and Ellen, Jaxon’s parents. They made it for Mila when she was born. Taking every measure of what makes a good crib into account they came up with this design! It swings in every direction, it can be adjusted so the head is slightly higher than the feet, plus it doesn’t have one screw!! It is truly a remarkable piece of art. I have been meaning to post a public thank you and a photo for years now! But we finally got the right camera lense to give it justice. Thank you very much guys for such a wonderful and unique gift!